Sunday, April 15, 2007

You know you're a Saudi Jawa when....

C'mon every ethnicity based blog/site needs one of these! And I'm a firm believer that if you can't make fun of yourself then you have no right to make fun of others. So without further ado...

You know you're a Saudi Jawa when....

  • 1. You have been asked by the police at a check point to show your "Iqama" (residency papers).
    • 1a. You get extra points if the officer looks embarrassed when you show him your Saudi ID.
    • 1b. You get even more extra points if you've ever replied in broken Arabic "ana mafi iqama sadeeq!" (I have no Iqama sir!).
  • 2. You're addicted to white rice. If you don't eat white rice at least weekly you get withdrawal symptoms and start tearing bread into rice sized morsels.
  • 3. When you're talking with a Jawa friend and a non-Jawa is listening you pepper your conversation with Indonesian terms (even though you barely speak the essentials).
  • 4. When you meet a true "from the old country" Indonesian you pray that he speaks passable English or Arabic.
  • 5. If you're a guy you think Jawa girls are cute. If you're a girl you think Jawa boys aren't.
  • 6. You have been mistaken for a Chinese at least once.
  • 7. People think you know martial arts.
  • 8. People ask you where your eyes are and what the heck happened to your nose!
  • 9. You have so many siblings, cousins, second cousins and people from "the old village back home" that you can start a political movement, but you don't because you haven't figured out what a political movement actually is.
  • 10. You rent a small hotel room for the weekend and immediately fill it with all your siblings and immediate cousins (something around 60 people).
  • 11. No one can stuff as many people into a Toyota Corolla like you.
  • 12. You think the smell of dried fish and belacan (pronounced belatchan) are normal.
  • 13. You think that a fruit that has mace-like spikes, can kill you if it falls on your head, smells like rotten garlic and turpentine, and banned in some airports is the epitome of bliss.
  • 14. You think fruit with hair are pretty normal.
  • 15. You think adding kecap manis (sweet soy sauce) to anything automatically makes it better.
  • 16. You think batter fried chili peppers are great.
  • 17. You think that food that doesn't have at least 10 types of spices, 6 types of weird vegetables, 2 types of fish or creepy crawlies, consists mostly of coconut milk and chili pepper to be boring and bland. Oh, and it needs to have kecap manis somewhere.
  • 18. You think smoking cigarettes with cloves and spices in them to be normal.
  • 19. You listen to Indonesian/Malaysian songs and say they remind you of home, when in reality you just think the singer is cute.

And finally...

  • 20. You know you're a Saudi Jawa when you read this list and say: "Bleh! Poser!"


Dotsson said...

Lol. Loved this post. Nice sense of humor.
Hope to see more of you around :)

annoos said...

Lool, funny :D
You look like one experienced Jawa..

but... I didn't get the last one..
I even looked it up in some Indonesian dictionary but in vain :(

Saudi Jawa said...

Been a Jawa all my life dude :D

"Poser" is actually English slang. It basically means someone who isn't very good at what he does yet pretends otherwise :)

John said...

I must be part Jawa as I really do like durian! Comes from having lived in Thailand, I guess, but I still like it.

saudi stepford wife said...

oh, self-depreciating humor...there's nothing like it!

There's too many people like this in the states, especially Arab boys. Their not white so they can't totally fit in with them. Their not black but it works more than hanging with the whites. They can't really identify with the "old country" cuz they barely know the language basics. Tough times.

Funny post, I think everyone should make one for whatever group they belong.

ahmad said...

As for the martial art thing, do they still practicing it there in Hijaz?, the Indonesian immigrants.

Saudi Jawa said...

As much as I'd hate to admit it, no. Very very very very few practice Silat (Indonesian martial art).

Just don't spread this around. Don't mess with the rep :D

Hning said...

You forgot some:
1a) People speak to you in broken Arabic because they think that "Inta mafi fihim Makkawi kateer kuwayyis".

1b) People's jaws tend to drop when you suddenly say, "شكرا طال عمرك"

2) You probably know someone from your jama'ah (kin) who's a bit embarassed of their identical-to-maids-and-drivers origins, and would rather call themselves "just-Saudi" rather than "Saudi-Jawa" and be proud of it. These are probably the kind of people who don't speak Indonesian too.
(so hats off to you, man)

Nice blog,

Saudi Jawa said...

Thanks for the suggestions Hning. I really should've thought of those myself. But to be quite fair I don't speak much Indnosian beyond "Apa kapar?" and "Mau makan durian" :D

أبو سنان said...

My wife is Saudi. Her fathers side is originally from Yemen, but they have been in the Hijaz for about 100 years now.

Her mother's mother was 1/2 Indonesian, her father Saudi.

My wife and her sisters do not look Jawee at all, but my mother in law looks it bit time.

We live here in the USA now and when we go to places to show the local Asian community often mistakes her, my mother in law, for a Buddhist or Christian nun, as she wears hijab.

For me the best thing about being married a to lady with a bit of a Jawee background is the dish Din Din! I LOVE Din Din!

Lipstick W. said...

I especially found #12 amusing. My best friend growing up was a jawa pinoy (or being that she fills Hning's description in #2 quite literally, "Saudi....but, my mother's from the Philippines!") I always found the smell of their house borderline funky. But whenever I shared my concern with her and her mother they both just looked at me funny. Yep, totally understand.

I also experimented with a few Jawi boys back in highschool (a fetish?) and the smell -and taste- of sour-tuna combined with, what can only be fish fillet (?) got too stifling at one point that I actually said something....or walked away and never said anything. ever.
It is, to this day, what makes it or breaks it for me.
Thank you Jawi boys! *waves*

Lipstick W. said...

oooh just thought I should add that I do know a few Indonesian words as a result of hanging out with my friend's granny way too much and growing up with more Indonesian surrogate mothers than I could care to count,(ah, how I love you mama for being oh so typically saudi)

1- chantek = pretty

2- Ado = ugh? uff? OMG?

3- Kantoot = what self-respecting Saudi kid doesn't know this one? Why, fart! (this item would usually be joint with item #2.)

4- Geela = insane.

5- Kablok = stupid.

6- Apa nama sawa (or something like that)= what's your name?

I also know penis, vagina, boobs, sex, prostitute, ass, shit, semen, hmmm...yep I've pretty much covered the essentials.

Oh yes, and "baik, terima kasih", when asked apa khabar. :-D

I suppose I should learn "I have got to get off this site and start studying" too. Soon!

soon to be settled in saudi said...

The common thing from Jawa is they will say Big 'D' on every words contain 'd' ;-P
It's a dialect issue.