Saturday, March 14, 2009

10 Months of Being Married - The Aftermath

So, the official reason I haven't been blogging for such a long while was that my new state as the King of the Damned a happily married husband has been taking much of my time. While partially true, the real reason was a combination of laziness and a chronic case of the dreaded writer's block. Hning of Hningswara finally convinced me to finally try and dust off the cobwebs. I may not return to any form of regular update, but I'm going to give it another try.

So it's been 10 months of marriage for this previously anti marriage person. While it's more traditional to wait for a year before one would wax lyrical about a new experience, I thought I'd go anti-establishment and use the more metric 10 month mark. Most of it will be rambling while I find my writing voice again, if I ever actually had one in the first place.

Plus it gives me an excuse to write.

So here it goes; a review of the marital state of being.

Progression to Harmony

I was under no illusions. Marriage is one part romance, three parts compromise. Having two different people, both with highly independent streaks not only to co-habitate but to share a life is no easy task. And it wasn't. After the honey moon, it was a turbulent month or so while we set boundaries, marked territories, found common ground, and agreed on what not to agree on. Afterwards, the dust settled, and all the spilled paint turned to a nice, comfortable, uniform gray.

A huge number of marriages fail in this test, I had always known. Delaying the trial by fire would only prolong the suffering. So with gritted teeth I shouldred my lance and spurred my warhorse into the frey. Which is why I saw us passing this crucial rite of passage relatively unharmed as a confirmation of the commitment both of us had to making this relationship work.

Compromise and Change

I now listen to more Arabic music, watch Turkish soap operas, have (much) better fashion sense. She has a new found appreciation for the works of Hayao Miyazaki and stupid stoner comedy. But we still have an unresolved discussion over the artistic worth of romantic comedies and violent action movies. On the other hand, we share a common love for horror movies, Italian food, and Monopoly.

We were two different people, with many incompatibilities. Now, we are still two different people with many incompatibilities, but with a greater understanding of our individuality coupled with enough confidence in one's self not to feel threatened by the other person's field of independance.


We find that our view of the marital state of being is somewhat unchanged. It is still not for everybody, and find that society's inclination to force people into marriage to be laughable at best. That being said, if you are one of those lucky enough to have had the configuration of the stars just right, then I give matrimony five stars (out of how many stars? Ah, wouldn't you like to know!), and am looking forward to the next challenge; explaining to the persistant would-be-grandmothers why we have not reproduced our genetic code yet.


hala said...

nicely said... so marriage isn't that bad after all, wish you both all the best

Hning said...

oh, so this is what you meant? you mean, I didn't need to grovel? oooohhh...this post even has the age old excuse of blaming the new thing that's almost gonna hit its first anniversary in a couple of months...very insightful. hhhmmm...

admit it, you're just like any other ordinary joe falling far it...probably never had it in you to be against marriage..*tsk*

*hning ducks a flying shib-shib coming her way*

PS: Happy for you, but happier to have you around. :)

mamadou said...

Hi Dear Friend

Now you have occupied your time not only to yourself but to you your wife, your spouse.

Keeep going friend 10 months indeed still very short and new to know your spouse more....and vice versa.....

Saudi Jawa said...

Thanks for the thoughts everyone.

daifuku said...

Entertaining post. enjoyed it. And Mayazaki is da man! Who could ever forget 3adnan o Lena?! Jimsy & princess Manonoke, are my favourite two charachters by him so far. May you and your wife play monopoly for years and years to come, Amen. :D

Anonymous said...

I'll never be convinced that marriage is worth all the sacrifices, but good for you that you and your wife have found a way to reconcile your differences and enjoy your commonalities!

Goog luck to both of you with your future :)

Abdullah said...

If you can make anyone have an interest in Japanese culture, you win, big time !